


Halloween

by Slant



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Comedy, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Mystery Solving Teens - Freeform, Sailor Special Garlic Attack, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 04:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11639241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slant/pseuds/Slant
Summary: "I'll make one of those YA series, where adults believe what teens tell them. Except instead of fake teens, mine will have real ones because real teens don't give a shit about anything."- Kate BeatonShit-talking!teen!Chibiusa and Hotaru being ridiculous.





	Halloween

**Author's Note:**

> Chibiusa is calling herself Usagi these days, partly because it pisses off her mum and partly because it's her damn name. She calls Usagi OldUsagi, because that _really_ annoys her. 
> 
> This is manga Lilica, in that she's a genuine vampire, complete with ill-defined vampire powers, not a Lemure.

"Well, that didn't totally suck."  
Usagi and Hotaru sat in the street, trying to look cool and bored and disaffected. It was Halloween.  
"It was corny as shit."  
"Yeah but I was expecting, like a blank encyclopedia or something and, like `... and the real horror is a life without study!' " Usagi did an insulting and frankly inaccurate impression of Ami's voice. "That was more like normal fake creepy."  
"Except for those medical specimens. Being a doctor is horrifying. Hey mister. Got any smokes?" This last was to a guy in a cigarette packet costume. He ignored her.  
"Yeah yeah, nice diseased lung picture, arsehole."  
"Like you'd smoke it anyway. Your parents would flip."  
"Like Haruka never took sponsorship from tobacco companies."  
"For real?"  
"Motorsport in the 80s. Seriously, Papa is rolling in cancer-money."  
"Shit, that's fucking disgusting."  
"My moms practically invented making bad decisions because you are too cool to care."  
"This sucks. Let's go do something."  
"How about we go to Lilica-chan's mansion. Vampires have got to do something cool on Halloween, right?"  
"You said they were weak sauce vampires who sucked flowers."  
"Then we egg the mansion."  
"If we egg an embassy is it technically an act of war?"  
"First war of the Moon kingdom for a thousand years. Cool."

...

They walked down the street.  
"Sooooo... Lilica- _chan_." Hotaru leared. "You're close then?" She wiggled her eyebrows.  
"Fuck off I was nine okay. Although I won't say that no one in that class had weird feelings that they didn't know what to do with."  
"Ooooooh so she's preeeee-tyyyyy?" Hotaru obviously thought she was winning this one; Usagi smiled.  
"If you like them sickly, pale, weird and horrifically dangerous," she said. She leered back, and then stared blatantly at Hotaru's chest for good measure. "And I do."  
"Piss off you douche." Hotaru shoved her, and Usagi laughed. Gay chicken might not make any sense when you had both known that you were soulmates since the moment you met, but it was still fun. Usagi twirled in the street, clasped her hands to her cheek and batted her eyelashes.  
"Oh Hotaruuuu-chan, whyyyyy won't you accept my love?" She said between splutters of laughter.  
"Not love. Bullshit. What I'm not accepting is your steaming bullshit."

...

"Thousand yen says the gate swings open on its own on squeaky hinges as we walk up to it."  
"You're on."  
"Come on creepy gate. Come on. Open up for mama."  
The gate stayed resolutely shut.  
"Okay but what if we walk away? it'll creak open behind us, right?"  
"Bollocks to that, they might be having a party in there, so we're going in."  
"We could jump the gate in sailor form?"  
"Pfffft." Hotaru put her hand on the lock "This lock, right? It's finite, which means it's practically broken already." There was a snapping noise and purple light flashed from her brow and between her fingers. The gate swung open on silent hinges.  
"Oh yeah no creak at all. Pay up."  
Usagi grumbled and shuffled change around in her purse.  
"You're, uh getting better at letting that out of its box without going full Revolution then?" She handed over a fistful of bills.  
"The world's always ending for some poor bastard." Hotaru went to knock on the door; it opened, mysteriously with an unearthly creak before her knuckles could contact.  
"Pay up."  
Hotaru grumbled and passed the bills back.

...

It was, of course, pitch black inside, cold, with a slightly sweet scent.  
"Trick or treat?" yelled Hotaru cheerfully into the empty silence.  
"You're seriously going with that? Creepy, blatantly-haunted vampire-mansion and your claiming that we're lost trick-or-treaters?"  
"If we aren't trick or treating, then why are you dressed as a dweeb?" Hotaru was pretty proud of that one.  
"Fuck off, I'm clearly dressed as a princess." Usagi had to admit to herself that her comeback was kinda faily.  
"Princess of the dweeb kingdom."  
"Hey Lilica-chan! I'm back and I'm full of blood! I've got pink rosy cheeks! Sorry about Hotaru, she can't help being a sickly anemic."  
"Fuck you, my neck is like twenty times more bitable than yours."  
"Oh sweetie, I _know_."

...

"Well this isn't working and I can't see shit. Let me get my phone out."  
"Haha fuckit it's Halloween right? So this is like UV paint or something." Hotaru lit the sigil on her forehead which meant "Destruction". The ghastly light illuminated her's and Lilica's pale faces, separated by inches. They both startled, jumped back, lost their footing and fell. Since Lilica had been hanging upside-down from the ceiling, she came off worse.  
"Lilica ," drawled Usagi, "you haven't aged a day. Love what you've done with the place."  
It was true. Lilica still looked about nine years old, while Usagi was apparently mid teens. This was true enough, but she had been nine for nearly a millennium; Hotaru was technically four, this time round, thirteen years as "Hotaru" in total; she looked about sixteen. Sometimes Saturn would look out through her eyes, cold and eternal. 

Usagi put out her hands to help the other girls up. Lilica took her hand automatically, recognised her, startled again.  
"You! You did this! You and your stupid Sailors and their stupid garlic breath! You ruined everything!"  
Hotaru knew better than to antagonise the inhuman monster just because it looked harmless, she really did, but somehow the words coming out her mouth were:  
"Haha chill out kiddo. We're just trick-or-treaters, looking for a fun Halloween party."  
Lilica looked angry and bared her fangs. Hotaru affected to look bored.  
"I think she's seen through your cunning ruse Hotaru-chan. For a start I used her name."  
"Seriously, is this how vampires spend Halloween? Tripping over teenagers?"  
"...What?" Lilica was ready for fear, defiance, anger, confusion and horror. Squabbling about unconvincing lies was a new one.  
"It's been ten years for me, and like a hundred monster fights, so I don't really remember what went down too well, but I remembered that there was this cool vampire girl I knew and we were bored on Halloween so we came by to say hi and were you doing anything fun?"  
Somehow that was the right thing to say, or at least the thing that pushed Lilica from `ready for violence' to `talking'.  
"Chibi-usa? Is that really you? Why are you suddenly grown-up?"  
"It's Usagi now. Also, its like six years local time since I saw you, why wouldn't I have grown up?"  
Hotaru shuddered. She could think of far too many things that would have stopped Usagi from growing up. Ever.  
Lilica looked horrified. "I think I might have been dead. You said its Halloween? I might have just um... come back. from when the Sailors..."  
She started to cry.

...

Half an hour later, and Usagi had a list which consisted largely of blood types and flowers breeds and popcorn and was setting off.  
"I can't believe you landed me an unpaid babysitting gig." grumbled Hotaru. "I'll give you a call if the list turns out to be a trick to get us separated and she doesn't need any of that stuff on account of being one of the Things That No Longer Are*, so do the cheap bits first."

*Living with the Saturn Power constantly urging universal destruction in your mind could result in the occasional weird turn of phrase. 

...

When Usagi let herself back in, it was to tinny screams. Hotaru and Lilica were curled up on the sofa together watching monster movies on Hotaru's phone.  
"My you two look cosy. Should I be jealous?"  
Lilica pulled away from Hotaru and started babbling excuses.  
Hotaru patted the sofa between them "Nah, come be the pink squishy filling in our pale bony sandwich."  
Usagi plopped down on the sofa between them and started handing out snacks from her bag.  
"So all Ami had on hand was O-neg and plasma, and all Mako had in bloom was sunflowers, tulips and this cactus. I hope sunflowers aren't like, insensitive about the exploding in sunlight thing. I did get proper butter popcorn though."  
"Nice. Gimme some." Hotaru grabbed a fistful for grains and shoved them into her mouth.  
Lilica took her blood bags with a bit more decorum and then looked awkward. "Umm do you mind, uh..."  
"What? You're too good to eat with us?"  
"Are you really okay with this? I mean last time you uh. Why are you being so nice?" This last was in a distressed wail.  
She clutched the bags.  
"Seriously, chill out little dudette, we're just bringing snacks.  
Usagi nodded firmly. "That's basic movie night etiquette. It's your house so we bring snacks. I'm a princess, I know etiquette."  
"But I'm a monster! Forever outcast! If anyone finds out about me something terrible will happen!"  
"That's got to be top five shittiests thing I've heard someone tell a kid, and my dad said `she has no power' about me."  
"Which fucking douchecannoe told you that?" asked Hotaru.  
"Was it whatshername? Angular woman, amazing collar bones; made these elegant gestures with her tea cup?"  
"That was my new mummy, she said that after I... with the fangs ... she was my new mummy now and that I had to go with her because no one would like me anymore..." Lilica trailed off into sobs.  
Hotaru nudged Usagi and hissed "Hug her, dickweed." She rolled off the sofa to do the same from the other side.  
"I guess sometimes you can be safer by being cautious about who you tell about who you are, there are some shitty, shitty people out there and you don't owe them anything, but some people can be nice."  
Usagi smirked. She'd got the same speech about outing yourself that Hotaru had.

...

"My phone's just about out of charge, wanna see if any of the sockets are working?"  
"Its the Uish embassy, it can't have stood empty since ..." Lilica trailed off.  
"She's right,it's not that abandoned, like, it's filthy and the doors all creak like crazy and there are spiderwebs everywhere but the newspapers are yesterday's, they just look a million years old." said Hotaru. Sometimes she forgot that other people didn't see Ruin as a tangible presence.  
"Huh. Weird. Shall we try to find the fusebox then?"  
Finding the fusebox involved a lot of walking into dark rooms, getting a faceful of cobwebs, shrieking and then giggling. 

They took it in turns, egging each other on. The fusebox was full of hideous gunk, so they gave up and watched movies on Uasgi's phone instead. 

...

When the movie finished, they sat in the dark and talked about everything and nothing. By mutual unspoken assent or simple dumbassery they avoided the big things: Lilica's long-term situation, where the Uish ambassadorial staff were, Lilica's awful home-life and spoke about dancing and flowers and their hopes for love. Hotaru and Usagi were both very insistent that they had no hope, because the red string of fate bound them to literally the worst person.  
"A wanky shitstain of a person," said Usagi.  
"A shitty wankstain," echoed Hotaru.  
"Why are you two so mean to each other?" asked Lilica.  
"Do you know a person who goes on and on about how they have achieved Troo Wuv?" asked Hotaru.  
"Spoiler: it's my mother," interjected Usagi.  
"It's really annoying, so I call her a smeghead instead."  
After a half hour of whispered confessions in which Lilica hadn't complimented her for her rosy cheeks or plump blood-filled veins even once, Usagi began to wonder if Hotaru had done some threatening while she was gone. 

...

"I think she's passed out," whispered Usagi.  
"That is super-cute," said Hotaru, "Selfie time."

...

It was actually pretty nice snuggled on this sofa, so when Usagi found herself nodding, she lent back to rest her eyes for a moment. Then she snored. Hotaru shrugged inwardly. They'd get Lilica better help and support in the morning. She could throw together some bullshit about friendship and trust if any of the older Senshi gave them shit. She lent her head on Usagi's and slept.

...

 

The sound of Tokyo traffic in the distance suddenly became an engine running very close outside. And then awful creak of the front door opening happened again.  
Usagi startled awake, suddenly aware that they were in a nest of greasy wrappers and melon soda cans, and that that dark patch was where Lilica has spilled plasma because she was giggling at Usagi making up the end to one of the movies once the phone batteries ran out ("and then the dreamy-eyed night-gaunt girl who's name I can't be bothered to remember made friends with all the villagers and they had a polka dance party.")  
Usagi looked around the room in a panic, bumping heads with Hotaru.  
"I think someone's here!" she whispered frantically.  
"My face you klutz!"  
"I'll kiss it better later. The ambassador's back! Grab Lilica! I've got the bag, I've got your phone. Cheese it!"  
Then ran, hissing with repressed laughter through one of the little unobtrusive doors into a narrow back staircase that they'd found last night looking for the loo. Through the plain windows they could see the first light of dawn.  
"What's going on?"  
"Shhhhhh someone came home. We don't wanna get caught."  
Lilica nodded. "There used to be a balcony up one floor. We can climb down from there."  
The three of them scrambled and fell, panicking and laughing down the embassy drive into the city. 

...

"What am I going to tell Makoto about her cactus?"

**Author's Note:**

> If you want this to fit in with continuity, this is a good bit post season five. There's been no wars but occasional supernatural nonsense still happens.


End file.
